Engineering humor.

 

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Understanding Engineers #1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers #2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers #3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.  The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him."  He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!."

The group fell silent for a moment.  The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea.  I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers #4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons.

Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers #5

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an

social studies

degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers #6
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don' t fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers #7
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."  He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?  I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.  Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer.  I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog?  Now that is cool."


Understanding Engineers #7
Two engineering students were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground.

Then she took a tape measure from her purse, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

One student shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us.  We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

Both have since flunked out and are now serving in the U.S. Congress.

Hypersonic power: good or bad?

Hypersonic weaponry is altering the balance of power internationally.

A hypersonic missile is quite simple conceptually. The missile's engine is started in air breather mode then at a certain speed it switches to hypersonic mode. At that point it will start using its hydrogen fuel and onboard oxygen to reach a velocity of Mach 20.

This is a new weaponry. It does not need an atomic warhead (or even conventional explosive), because it will be like a meteor and simply pulverize the target. No radioactive fallout. And it will destroy bunkers underground.

We are fortunate to have a President whose policies are promoting better economics so we can afford the best armament. Needless to say the Russians and the Chinese are also in the race.

The biggest obstacle in our way? The Democrats will try to win the House this Fall to slow the economy and prevent the military to acquire the superweapons. Democrats are already calling for cuts in the military budget.

Orthodox church revives after 70 year captivity.

Much like the Jews returned from a 70year captivity in Babylon, Russia's Orthodox church is reviving after its 70 year captivity. By the time of WWII, the Communists obliterated the monasteries, the seminaries and most of the congregations. It is estimated that nearly 300,000 'clerical reactionaries' (i.e. priests and monks) were killed in the captivity of the Orthodox Church that followed the Communist revolution of 1917. World War II put a brief stop to the persecution of the believers, because Stalin needed something to rally Mother Russia against the National Socialists. But, persecution resumed once the war was over.

Following the fall of the Soviet Union, the Orthodox Church rose like a phoenix from its fiery grave. Today, the Church is almost back to pre-revolutionary strength with 1,000 new churches being added each year. Seminaries are open and so are monasteries. Just as important, Russian law recognizes the danger of the deviant culture of the globalists and bans it in school curriculum.

And that is why our Media hates Russia.

Along with the spread of Orthodoxy in Russia, it is also spreading in other countries where orthodoxy flourished before. In addition, the music inspired by religion is once again becoming popular.

Liberal States bankrupt.

FOX BUSINESS published the figures on the sad state of the financial woes of Liberal states. These are their deficits (and it's getting worse):

 

CT  $53B

IL   $30B

NY $365B

NJ  $104B

CA $428B

 

The question is: have these states passed the point of no return?

 

Liberals view economic success with suspicion and try to punish it with high taxes and stifling regulations. Those who do well then tend to leave these states, leaving behind people who do less well, demand more govt services and pay less tax. In fact, these states have a hard time making payments on pensions and their bonds are (or approaching) junk bond status.

 

Liberals hope to foist their debts on all other states. Sen Fauxcahontas of MA wants to raise Federal income tax to 50%, like in the Socialist states of Europe. I hope she runs on that platform for President.

FOX falls for CNN hoax.

reprint
Bret Baier Gets Burned By CNN’s Fake News Hoax; Takes Fox News Down With Him

Fox News’ Bret Baier was badly burned on Wednesday night after bragging that he “stands firmly with CNN,” only to be slapped in the face by a reality that many of us already knew: CNN is fake news.

CNN — literally the least trusted, least watched, biggest name in fake news — was melting down because one of their anti-Trump propagandists, Kaitlan Collins, had been “banned” from a White House event.

Here was CNN’s Dana Bash (pronounced “Danna”) (for some reason) tweeting about the soon-to-be-exposed nontroversy:

Dana Bash

✔@DanaBashCNN

Siren - my kick ass colleague @kaitlancollins was banned from an open press event for asking legit questions of the president on behalf of the 5 network pool. As a former White House reporter and as an American - this is outrageous and highly alarming.

5:06 PM - Jul 25, 2018

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Enter Fox News’ John Roberts, eagerly spreading the word on behalf of his fake news peers at CNN:

View image on Twitter

John Roberts

✔@johnrobertsFox

.⁦@CNN⁩ statement on TV pool correspondent being denied access so ⁦@realDonaldTrump⁩ event

5:19 PM - Jul 25, 2018

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And finally a virtue signal-happy Bret Baier decided to pile on, giddily extolling the eminence of CNN’s phantom integrity:

Bret Baier

✔@BretBaier

As a member of the White House Press pool- @FoxNews stands firmly with @CNN on this issue and the issue of access

John Roberts

✔@johnrobertsFox

.⁦@CNN⁩ statement on TV pool correspondent being denied access so ⁦@realDonaldTrump⁩ event

5:36 PM - Jul 25, 2018

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And he spread this fake news and promoted CNN’s dishonesty not just on behalf of himself, but on behalf of the entire Fox News network.

Baier’s decision to “stand firmly with CNN” was an entirely uncritical one. He took the story at face value without doing a shred of diligence. Forget about the fact that CNN is besieged by anti-Trump propagandists masquerading as impartial journalists, and that the network is more responsible than any other for the entire media’s cratering trust and descent in to a generations-long excommunication from society’s good faith. Set all that aside. You’d think, at a minimum, Baier would want to know the details of what actually happened before “standing firm” with CNN and by association indicting the White House, along with all of President Trump’s supporters, for crimes that never actually happened.

Here’s what really happened…

Steve Herman

✔@W7VOA

 · 14h

Replying to @W7VOA

https://twitter.com/bretbaier/status/1022249152003158017?s=21 …

Steve Herman

✔@W7VOA

Statement on this from @PressSec. pic.twitter.com/FdfS7mFC9V

6:26 PM - Jul 25, 2018 · Washington, DC

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So apparently yet again, another hoax perpetrated by CNN. Only this time they got a lot of help from Bret Baier and others who eagerly bought in to CNN’s lies, helped spread their fake news, and ultimately promoted yet more misinformation, division, and anger among the American people.

As I told Mr. Baier in an email, “You had one job: Stay out of the fray.” But he failed miserably at that, and eagerly so. And all predicated on what turned out to be yet another fake news hoax, this time not just reported by CNN — but actually manufactured by the network and its anti-Trump propagandists.

But at least one person was happy about Baier’s gross dereliction in judgment:

Dana Bash

✔@DanaBashCNN

And, scene.

Bret Baier

✔@BretBaier

As a member of the White House Press pool- @FoxNews stands firmly with @CNN on this issue and the issue of access https://twitter.com/johnrobertsfox/status/1022244863188893696 …

5:43 PM - Jul 25, 2018

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Do better, Bret. We know CNN never will. But we expect more out of you.

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NOTE: I also told privately told Baier that I consider his show to be the most instrumental in daily news, and the one I recommend most to others who ask me where they should go for a good daily rundown. And while Baier’s personal flimsiness with respect to standing up to his more outwardly partisan peers has always been obvious to me, I thought he had typically done a good job. Certainly better than most. But his mask slipped today, and I’m certain this won’t be the last time. Still, despite that, in terms of “straight news,” he remains — at a minimum — the best of the worst.